“I was just starved, though, to be visible to anybody.”-Joy Ladin, Gender and the Syntax of Being
Oh, my head. Or more specifically, my face. And all of our faces. Here they are, representing us.
How much of our culture is based on faces? Head shots, mug shots, swipe right for the hottie. Profile pictures on everything, from Facebook to Twitter to my “About Me” e-mail. Buy this thing to get a better face. Cut it, love it, hate it, inject it with botulinum. It’s too dark, too light, “uneven”, never good enough.
It is a source of so much of our personal anxiety.
I have one, too. A face, that is. And I think about it, and want it to be lovely.
I want to be seen, but not too seen. Or, seen for all the “right” reasons.
I’ve been thinking about faces and aging, lately. A lot. And how age can, potentially free us from this obsession with how we look, and how that sounds kinda great. Or it can do the opposite.
I looked up herbs for anti-aging, and you know, it seems to be a big industry. And it seems to be mostly full of crap. But it’s not just that a lot of the treatments don’t work as promised but that it is based on a false concept.
The anti concept.
Aging is not, by definition, a battle. It’s not something being done to us, independent of us. It IS us, cells plus time.
But one can find a lot of articles on “___ # of herbs for anti-aging”. A LOT.
When we, as herbalists and healers, promote anti-aging as an entire category of herbal products what are we saying about time? What are we saying about age? What are we saying about our face?
Aging is not an abstraction. It is just a process. A natural cycle. It is many things to many people.
Some degree of observation (aka people-watching) does tell me, though, that there are a lot of different ways to age. There is the way in which we basically give up and wait to die. There is the way in which we attempt, at all costs, to be seen as something else, to hide, to battle the process. And there is the way in which we wrap ourselves in sensual pleasures, dive into the process, put aside our self-limiting fears of doing it wrong and finally just be who we are, wrinkles and all.
We can’t actually age well if we were not living well before aging became a concern. It is deliciously radical, punk even, to see oneself as whole and worthy, to identify as a process, to live in the culture without internalizing the constant messages that we need to battle our own bodies, not just today but throughout our entire lives.
“The average woman is so beat down and besieged [by images of youth].” -Iris Apfel
And what is REALLY “anti-aging”? What keeps us from giving up? It’s not just what you apply to your skin. It is not a list of the top 10 spices you can take. It is a steadfast refusal to lose our sense of ourselves, our curiosity, our participation in the world around us. It is refusing to (figuratively) cut our genitals off from the rest of our bodies, or to dis-embody and float off into a world of caring more about The Price is Right or “kids these days” than we do about feeding our own senses.
It is the self-care we do out of love, not fear. The movement that keeps us strong and well. And the connections we have built up and maintained-with friends, lovers, our passions, the Earth and our own rich inner lives.
Oh, and it’s fiber.
It is indeed a paradox that I want to balance total self-acceptance with constant self-improvement, but they don’t have to be in opposition with each other. I’d love to hear how others are balancing this within their own lives, now and moving forward through age and time.
Ah, the ephemeral nature of life.
Ok, so there is the dramatic stuff. Now let’s get to the juicy bits: my current favorite skincare product. Want to know how to make it? I am a huge fan of very straightforward, stripped-down products which are also luxurious and delightful. I like to do more with less, I like that which does “double-duty”, I like to pack light.
My personal skin-care story is that I have both super-sensitive skin and jumpy hormones, and therefore I am often trying to soothe the angry skin beast. I have tried many things and I do believe that most skincare should be internal–hydration, nutrition, supportive bitters, movement, laughter, sleep and stress management are the ideal long-term plan for most of us.
But anyway, I still wanted the perfect face wash.
I had tried straight coconut oil, straight honey and straight clay powder, all of which worked fine alone, but not amazing and not super user-friendly. Then I discovered something called “The Honey Mud” which combines all 3 and looks amazing…for 80-something dollars a jar. It’s a nice jar, but that’s more than I personally budget for such things.
I’ve now messed around with creating my own, and it’s so luxurious, so delightful and so easy to use that I’m moved to share the “recipe”. ( I use that word very loosely, but I know that recipe = clickbait so here it is.) It is in “parts” which means that YOU tailor that concept to the amount of product you’d like to make.
1 part each of:
raw coconut oil (yes, you can use a different high-quality oil or combo if desired.)
raw honey–(yes, it has to be raw if you want the enzymes and such, don’t ask if it doesn’t, just try it.)
clay-dry powder-I used 1/2 pink Rhassoul and 1/2 bentonite. There is a lot of info available about types of clay, basically some are more or less drying. Use your favorite or get a few and experiment. It’s cheap.
Put these things in a Cusinart or blender and add liquid to thin. Just, you know, blend, check, add a little liquid, repeat. You’re going for a consistency that is goopy and perfectly apply-able.
I used hydrosols as my liquid here-rose, and some cucumber. I love yarrow hydrosol if you can find it. Chamomile, maybe. Use what YOU like, and what you have. You could use nearly any herbal infusion as the liquid, or buttermilk if you will keep it cold.
I also added Cacao essential oil because I find it very pleasurable. Add whichever EO or combo you like, if desired. Or not.
I do not believe that external applications of Eos or herbs are necessary for daily skin care, or that they will magically fix your skin, contrary to marketing copy. But delicious smell is a thing people like.
And, at the risk of stating the obvious, put it in a jar and use it 1-2 times a day to wash your face. Can be left on as a “treatment”, I guess to increase general loveliness, and can be eaten in case of apocalypse scenarios.
Make it, love it, give it, sell it, just don’t tell yourself that it will fix you. Cause you’re great and don’t need to be fixed, and a product isn’t actually going to do it anyway.
Oh–and go watch Advanced Style, an amazing movie about fabulous women over 60 with a wonderful companion book by Ari Seth Cohen.