home vbac–yes, vaginal birth after cesarean. at home.

on the joyous occasion of the 6-year anniversary of my home vbac i wish to share the story and to encourage all mamas that yes-it is possible and no-hell did not freeze over.

my story:

i was a young mama, pregnant with my first child at 21, had a shitty hospital birth: 23 hrs of labor, used pitocin, no pain meds, felt unsupported, wished i had been outside. couldn’t get outta there fast enough afterwards!

gave birth to second child 2 years later, started out in “alternative” birthing center, felt forced into an “emergency” cesarean. denied liquids, people held me down-yes, literally-and when  i said no to c-section screamed”YER BABY’S GONNA DIE!!” in my face. i got confused. i gave in.  i was in transition. they sewed me up crooked. i hated it. actual quote: “hmm, it looks like he was actually fine” yeah, he was fine and so was i and at9 cm dilation they should have just helped me stand up like i asked for. the  recovery was very hard.

when i became pregnant with #3 i went to the same midwife office. in response to myquestions about vbac,they said they would “allow” me to “try” for a vbac. honestly, i saw white lights of rage. after that last experience any trust i had in the system was gone.  my vagina is my own and i don’t need to ask anyone’s permission to do whatever the hell i want with it.

i found a homebirth midwife. the difference in care was astounding. just amazing. i gave birth naturally at home in an old fire station. ispent most of my labor in a big clawfoot tub that my wonderful husband sweated to install just days before. it was a great labor, i loved everything about it. honestly, it was fun. i felt loved, empowered, healed. yes, it hurt. the cord was wrapped and without panicking the midwife and i worked it out together.

having had 3 very different births has given me a unique perspective on how and why the birth experience matters.  i physcially healed very quickly. this empowerment has lead me further into my journey to be an herbalist.

and i must address the fact that it is dangerous. life is dangerous. babies die. mamas die. the hospital does not necessarily keep us from dying, and sometimes causes death and injury. life IS risk. we are all going to die. i hope for good outcomes in birth, illness, etc. but they are not guaranteed. ever. by anything.

this is nothing more than my personal story. i do not suggest that anyone do anything-i merely suggest that yes, it is possible.

lydia-baby!lydia-now

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